Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: As the world changes, so does leadership.
Hello, I'm Carlos Martin, host of Leadership Evolving on NOW Media Television.
On Leadership Evolving, we bring you real talk about mindset, resilience, culture, influence and purpose.
Every episode features thought leaders, innovators and everyday visionaries sharing insights, experience and strategies you can use.
Let's explore how your voice can help others evolve their leadership.
Watch Leadership Evolving on NOW Media Television and step into the leader you are becoming.
And today we explore what it takes to lead with purpose and impact.
Leadership today evolving tomorrow.
[00:00:49] Speaker B: Welcome to Leadership Evolving. I'm Carlos Martin, and today I'm joined by Megan Parks. She's a certified functional medicine practitioner and the owner of Integrator Medical Group, where she focuses on helping patients uncover the root causes behind chronic illness, fatigue, fatigue, inflammation, and long term health challenges. Well, do I have questions for her? Dr. Melligan, welcome. Dr. Megan. Excuse me. Welcome.
[00:01:12] Speaker C: Thank you. Thank you for having me.
[00:01:14] Speaker B: Yes, my. My pleasure. All right, so I want to give the audience a little bit of context. I'm excited about this conversation.
So I want to talk about the female perspective. The female perspective saying, I feel like a stranger in my own skin. I'm not crazy, but my internal thermostat and brain's processing speed have been hijacked. So when I snap it' often because I am physically exhausted from just trying to feel normal. Now, the male's perspective is, I feel like I'm walking down eggshells. I could relate to that a little too much and I want help, but I don't know which version of you, of you is walking through the door and that, you know, I almost feel like a little bit of bipolar. And it feels like the rules on the relationship, you know, changes overnight. So again, I feel like I'm getting a lot of internal triggers here from my past relationship. So my first question to you, Megan, what is one thing?
So again, one thing that you mentioned is the crazy cycle and talking about accountability while feeling real or raw with that. And so can you explain to us what does all that mean?
[00:02:27] Speaker C: Yeah, that's great. So you hit it perfectly because the females are feeling this way. In fact, never call them bipolar.
[00:02:34] Speaker B: I know as soon as I said that, it's like, so can we filter that one out?
[00:02:40] Speaker C: That is real and raw.
[00:02:42] Speaker B: Yes, yes, damn it.
[00:02:44] Speaker C: Because let me be honest, I feel bipolar. Like, I remember when I started realizing, like, this isn't right.
This is not a version I even understand of myself.
And I was like, am I bipolar?
Am I getting Alzheimer's? Am I getting all these Things. And you say it's great because you say, I don't know what version of her I'm getting. I say, I don't know what version I'm going to wake up with or what it's going to change from minute to minute. And, and it's so frustrating. It is truly frustrating. At the same time, you have a good point. What's the guy feeling? You know, because. Yeah, I mean, it's bad enough living it, but now everything I do, everything I say, it's. You're taking it personally. You're doing this. I can never say the right thing. I can never do that. So I call it the crazy cycle. Because when a woman is feel at her best, she feels loves like she feels loved. But when a man, and a man, he needs respect.
And so when I'm going through this crazy moment, I'm not being very respectful for you. So when you say trigger triggers in past relationships, I'm not, because I don't feel love from you. And, and then so I'm reacting in a very disrespectful manner. Now you're getting disrespect. You're definitely not showing me love. And so it just, it's this crazy cycle. And I always tell people whether are 1% the problem and it's truly 99% the other one. You have no control over what they do, but you do have control over yourself. So recognizing what, what could I do better? How can I show up and not just, okay, from. I'm a female, so my perspective, I'm going and I'm spiraling. I don't understand this. I feel like I'm losing my control.
I feel like I am bipolar. Who wants to feel like that? And so, and then at the same time, I got to realize how I'm making others feel. I've got to be accountable. That just because I'm feeling it, it doesn't give me a right to kind of take it out on everybody.
[00:04:47] Speaker B: Yeah. Because we all play a role in the relationship.
[00:04:50] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:04:50] Speaker B: So when I, when I'm hearing that, I'm thinking, okay, if my significant other is going in one direction because she wakes up and maybe she may not have that control in her body.
But the other thing is, from my perspective, if I approach her and she may not be in a great space, she starts, like you said, disrespect me or just being cold. Now she's pushing me away and I'm pushing myself away. And now that gap between her and me, it's just getting bigger. That chasm is almost as big as the Grand Canyon. And that's really hard to come back and rinse and repeat every 30 days. How about them apples, right?
[00:05:31] Speaker C: And then when you get this, it becomes less. Sometimes you're every 15 days. Every. And you're like, oh, great, I get a deal.
[00:05:37] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, yeah, exactly. Because I remember, okay, for like, three days before, you know, here it comes. But there is a sweet spot. Sometimes afterwards, like, I get like three, four, or five days.
[00:05:48] Speaker C: This is why I dated you to begin with.
[00:05:50] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, I literally had a nap.
You know, I'm not gonna say her name. For an individual that I dated. And she knew where we had the app for to follow her cycle. And what really helped was having a communication.
I think that was the best thing is because if.
I mean, you tell. You tell us, what is that control? What does that feel? And where I'm going is I want and I need to empathize with the opposite gender if I want to have a successful relationship. So tell us more about what the female goes and what are their struggles and how can we be better, ask better questions, be more empathetic and understand. Because we don't go through that. It's probably easy for us to ask, for us to say, oh, come on, get your act together, but we don't go. Go through that. So tell us a little bit more, if you don't mind.
[00:06:41] Speaker C: No, that. That is great. Because again, this comes with self awareness. Because again, you.
This is the real. This is the raw. You know, if. If I don't know and I can't put a definition or communicate with you how I'm feeling, how can you show up and be supportive of me? You know, it's kind of, again, definition of the crazy cycle. Let's keep doing the same thing and expect different results. You know, if I can't share and open up with you, hey, I can't even think where my keys are. I went into the kitchen three times and walked out and was like, why the heck do I need to go to the kitchen? And you go from this. I've got it all together. I'm used to multitasking. I'm used to juggling schedules. I'm used to doing this. And I can't even remember what I was just about to say. And it becomes so frustrating.
Say that.
Say that. Because had past relationship happened and she was like, hey, Carlos, I'm.
I don't know what's going on. This is very frustrating to me. I used to be able to do this, this, this. I can't do that anymore.
When, When I'm giving even a simple detail. Are you asking me a simple, like, do you prefer blue or red? I'm over here saying, why are you giving me another thing? I can't even manage what I'm supposed to do. And so it becomes super overwhelming. But if I don't open up, what I'm going through, you will never know. And then you're. You're going to come in and be like, what. What the heck? Which. Which version of Megan do I get today?
[00:08:12] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, exactly. Because a lot of the times I'll speak for me. I don't want to speak for every. Every gentleman out there, but it's very difficult because what version do I want or do I need to be for her? But if I don't need. No. And it sounds kind of horrible, like, hey, what version? But I think we're. We're complex as individuals that we could show up at different versions and show up with. For our significant others in different ways. But again, if we're not, you know, we could blame women to say, well, she's not telling me, but there's a lot to blame for us, too, where I don't think we have the curiosity, the emotional intelligence, the empathy to say, okay, I want. And I need to understand you a little bit more, you know, but is there part of the female perspective that they don't understand themselves quite well?
[00:09:04] Speaker C: You nailed it.
[00:09:05] Speaker B: And it's difficult to articulate that to somebody else.
[00:09:08] Speaker C: You nailed it. Because again, if you're not aware of what is happening, you just. It's the loss of control, and it's hard to put that in the words. And then it becomes enough is enough. It becomes, I can't handle this anymore. But then that's the same thing. If he. You is coming at it, or what's your problem? Or, you know, different things. That's not what we want to hear. It's, hey, how you doing today? If there's anything you need, let me know. And I think sometimes just saying that, it's not. I don't. I don't want you fixing everything. I don't want you solving my problems. Because now you're going to make me feel even more like I'm failing. I have to have everybody's assistance. And that's another thing I lost control of.
[00:09:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:09:51] Speaker C: But at the same time, it's just sometimes I may need space.
Sometimes I may need you just to be there. Sometimes I may just need a hug. And it's saying that. And. And truly, you know what you're feeling like, I mean, and. And I'll tell you where you said it does. Like, do you even know what's going on? Heck, no. I literally remember looking at my husband and he's like, I can't. I can't. Can't deal with this much longer. And I was like, I can't either, because seriously, I'm ready to cry, and I hate crying. And then I really want to just punch you. But then I really want to hug right now, too. So, I mean, it's like I felt like he couldn't win no matter what, and nobody could have made me happy in that moment. But it was also once that I could literally say that, like, I feel like I'm going crazy and I can't have that control.
That opened up a lot more. Okay. This isn't her being or trying to attack me. This isn't a me problem or her being just really negative and not just attacking me. Every single one. Making me walk on eggshells. She is truly going some. Somewhere and going through something.
All I have to do is acknowledge that and say whatever you need.
[00:11:00] Speaker B: Yeah. And thank you for that. What I love what you said is that you almost made fun of it. Like, I don't even know. I want to hug you, but I want to punch you. I love that because that helps us. That helps us understand. Like, okay. Because otherwise, I'm not feeling disrespected. I'm not being pushed away. Okay. I know there's a little bit of.
I was going to call it chaos, but uncertainty or whatever's going on. Okay. I think me personally, I could deal with that.
[00:11:25] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:11:26] Speaker B: To be able to say, I don't know where I am, but just, let's just go. Let's roll with the punches. Hopefully not literally, but at least that we can make. I don't know if making fun of the situation, but kind of lighthearted and said, this is where I am. I don't know if I want to hug you or punch you right now, but I need a hug.
[00:11:43] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:11:44] Speaker B: Okay. That. I think just by you saying that, I feel like it puts me at ease.
[00:11:50] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:11:50] Speaker B: To say, okay, I know what you want, because what we're looking as an individual, as men. Okay. We're. We're a lot more black and white. You know, we're a lot more linear either here or there. So if. If I know this is your personality and you laugh at my jokes, but then maybe you may not be. I may not be Funny, you know those few days where like, oh, my God. So I need to know that. And it's difficult. I think it'll be wrong for me to say it's difficult for men. I think it's difficult for both of us. And how do we come together and be able to have a good communication and effective communication.
And then sometimes if you have a new partner, we gotta rinse and repeat and learn. But I think the main thing is as a female, to be as comfortable and to be able to speak their emotions of where they are and as an individual, to be able to feel comfortable, to lean with a little bit of curiosity. I love that. Thank you. Thank you so much. Dr. Megan. We'll be right back to dive a little bit deeper in different things. But I don't know about you, but I'm super excited to be talking about this. We'll be right back.
[00:12:57] Speaker A: We'll be right back with more insights, stories and transformative leadership conversations. Stay with us. Leadership Today Evolving tomorrow.
I'm Carlos Martin and this is Leadership Evolving on NOW Media Television. Let's continue the journey.
[00:13:13] Speaker B: And we are back.
[00:13:14] Speaker A: Leadership Today evolving tomorrow. Tomorrow.
[00:13:17] Speaker B: Welcome back to Leadership Evolving. Stay connected to this show and every NOW Media TV favorite live or on demand anytime you like. Download the free Now Media app on Roku or iOS and unlock non stop bilingual programming in English and espanol on the move. Why not catch the podcast version at Now Media TV? All right, so we are back here with Dr. Megan. Welcome.
[00:13:40] Speaker C: Thank you.
[00:13:42] Speaker B: Now I want to go into what you call the intimacy renegotiation.
I love that.
Give the audience a bit of perspective.
So we're going to go from the female perspective. My body feels different and sex sometimes feels like another chore or a to do list or worse, physically uncomfortable. And I need. I need to feel connected and be seen before I could be in the mood. Now the male's perspective on the other side is. I feel rejected.
Okay. I feel like I feel triggers right now and I worry that you're not
[00:14:22] Speaker A: attracted to me anymore.
[00:14:23] Speaker B: And I don't know how to initiate. Excuse me. Without feeling like I'm bothering you. Oh, yeah, man, oh, man, there's so much here.
So what conversations need to be happening and what are healthy ways to open up the discussions to allow the real and raw truth to come out for couples.
[00:14:48] Speaker C: And I'm gonna go back from what we talked about before. It is that awareness. It's knowing what you need where you're at again. You can't control other people. You can control Yourself, you're responsible for your own reactions. Even when you're feeling a certain way. It's having those conversations, it's talking about it. It's saying, carlos, I.
I don't feel pretty right now. I am going from hot to cold.
I'm starting.
[00:15:18] Speaker B: You're talking about physically, physically, physically. And temperature.
[00:15:21] Speaker C: Temperature. I will. In this mood. We're not even gonna go there. That's even. You know, hot and cold don't even define that.
But then now I'm gaining weight around my midsection, getting intimate and that. Oh, I don't even this. I don't recognize skin sagging. Things aren't as perky. This is, you know, everything I. I used to do, like working out, I could stay toned. I go to the gym and I pack on weight, and it looks like I never work out. And. And now you want to get physical. I feel gross, you know, and it really is like expressing that, you know, this is your partner. This is who you chose. This is, you know, being vulnerable enough to say, I do not feel good. You know, I don't. It's not you. And it really isn't at that point. It is a. I. I don't feel great. And I think, I guess the only thing on where I could say might be you is make her feel that way. Make her feel appreciated, you know, because we take for granted. Sometimes we get in a relationship and years of marriage, and then, you know, add in kids, add in crazy schedules, add in everything else, and you really stop connecting. You stop joining together. It's just kind of like a roommate situation.
[00:16:35] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:36] Speaker C: And. And even though you might be like, oh, my bride is beautiful, my girlfriend is amazing. Do you say that? Does she hear that? You know, and when she goes from, like, you get like these people who, let's say they were a three star athlete and now they're gaining weight and they never did. And they have not changed anything. Or maybe they're even working out harder.
And now I'm supposed to be. I look haggard. You know, it's. It's. It's like the mental. What's going through us, you know, and for her, she has to realize that, yes, we are more complex. You know, you guys have hormones as well, but we are more complex and each, you know, part of the cycle, sometimes it's easier to manage, and sometimes it's really not. And. And then when. When you're starting to get into the perimenopause, menopause, they're erratic, they change.
[00:17:28] Speaker B: When does that start? At what age?
[00:17:31] Speaker C: On average, it's always an argument. It's always up for debate.
Basically, if you're 40 and over, hate to break it to you, you're in it.
[00:17:40] Speaker B: Oh, wow, that early?
[00:17:42] Speaker C: Well, no, and I'm gonna go. I'm gonna even make you shocked even more so. I still remember having a doctor's appointment and everything was going out of place and stuff like that. And she's like, well, you know Megan at that time, she's like, Megan, you're 43. Of course you're in perimenopause. I was like, thanks. You know, like. Like gut check right there, you know, like. But you are. And I see it even sooner. Like, I will tell you. I could tell something. Well, I didn't know what it was, but I could tell something was off. I didn't recognize that person. I, you know, I would tell you I used to like myself. I used to like the version I was. I was showing up. And again, do I really have bipolar? You know, am I got a split personality? Because it's like, who the heck just hijacked me, hijacked my thoughts, hijacked my mind. And. And then again, if you're not. If you're kind of comfortable and not really saying, you know, wow, you look good.
You know, you're not building that person up. They're feeling like I'm not attractive right now.
[00:18:41] Speaker B: Okay? So I. There's so much there. There's a lot of layers to that sandwich. So as a guy, we are not that great at communicating. Even if I know that my spouse, my girlfriend, my significant other is amazing and hot and attractive, it's not something that we communicate often. And we should. So that's problem number one. And the other thing is when you were saying, I don't feel, you know, out of control.
Are we now in the menopause? We kind of made a transition there.
So is that more of the same? How does it change from. On a monthly cycle now when you start to. Is it more of that? And then just amplify. Tell us a little bit more. So as it. Because I already have enough was just the cycle. And now you're throwing the pre menopause. Like, okay, you're throwing me a curveball literally right now. So what is the connection?
What is from a male's perspective, how. What should I expect? A flying pan? Okay, that's pretty menopause, right? Like, what is it? I know I'm being funny, but at the same time, it's like, I think we need an ought to know what to expect from our partners. Because if I'm in love with my partner, I want to know exactly what she's going through. And I don't want to guess because if I start guessing, that's when I start getting into trouble. So I want to make sure that I'm not putting everything, the responsibility on her. And like you said, okay, if I start to know she doesn't feel pretty, make sure I tell her, okay, you look pretty, babe, you know I love you and just emphasize more of that. But now, again, you threw me that curveball. So if we could kind of bridge the gap a little bit here for our audience.
[00:20:31] Speaker C: So here's the thing. Very, very recently, they're just now recognizing perimenopause. I would be honest. It used to be, are you cycling? Are you having a period or are you in menopause? Are you not having a peri.
[00:20:44] Speaker B: That is what I thought it was.
[00:20:45] Speaker C: 100%.
[00:20:45] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:46] Speaker C: No, we are missing, and we've always missed a vital piece when that is the perimenopause. So you're still having a cycle.
Sometimes you're having your 30 day cycle. Other times it's 24. Other times, it's 15 other times you're. It's just all over the place.
[00:21:05] Speaker B: So what you're saying is once it start to become a little erratic, that's when you may be starting 100%.
[00:21:10] Speaker C: And so because.
Or some kind of hormone is out of balance. Because when we're looking at this, you have.
So the thing to mark menopause is progesterone is going to drop and so is estrogen. Well, progesterone is that calming. It's why, you know, once you have your period, it's like, okay, I like this person, she's not so crazy.
And yes, we think we're crazy too.
And if we're going to be honest anyway. And so thank you for saying it out loud.
[00:21:41] Speaker B: You heard it here first.
Yes.
[00:21:44] Speaker C: No, I knew I was, I used to joke around. I said, I told my husband, I'm like, I want to get a shirt that says, my husband thinks I'm crazy. But he's the one who married me. I've told him that for years.
But, you know, you got to joke about it because it does happen. But then estrogen also, it balances. It allows us to handle the glucose, it handles the stress, it handles that. Now you're, you're taking those away. You're taking the calming blanket away from that, that woman. You're taking, you're taking her ability to metabolize sugar and stre. And again, now we have a tire around the middle. You're taking all of her security, all of her things that just. You almost take for granted when you're. When you are cycling. And now it's up, it's down, it's. Sometimes I have it, sometimes I know. She doesn't even know where she's going to be. She just has to check in with herself, slow down. And that's so hard because. Or she just keeps trying to push through. Or I just got to keep making this better, and it's not. You know, I remember earlier in my marriage, I remember, like, I would just feel so bad, like, I should be here for. For my husband. I should be here. And the whole time, like, I could feel like just.
I don't want to be around me. I want to escape. And I cannot escape this person, this version that just hijacked my mind and body.
And it never failed because although I was trying to have, like, closeness with my husband, I ended up saying something I regretted or I ended up snapping, or I ended up, you know, just not acting in a very respectful or loving manner.
And so I finally, like, literally one day, I was like, hey, Josh, I'm gonna go upstairs or I'm gonna go downstairs. Cause you're not gonna wanna be around me, you know? And it.
[00:23:28] Speaker B: See, I love that. I think that's a great solution.
We're okay with that.
[00:23:34] Speaker C: And it was so freeing because I. I still remember the first time we did that. He goes, okay, see you tomorrow, and you go. And it was like, I didn't have to fake something that I was not feeling. I. You know, and it's so weird because, like, during this time, it's so volatile. I'm an extrovert. I love being around people.
Yeah. When this happened, I was like, good Lord, I don't want to be around anybody.
[00:23:59] Speaker B: There's nothing wrong with it. I think that's okay. You know, maybe I go through my cycles because there's times, like, I don't want to be around anybody. And like I said, I'm a. An extrovert. I.
I'm a coach. I am a speaker. Like, I love being in the spotlight, but sometimes, like, I just want to be in my room with my comfy clothes, you know, maybe get my. My comfy food, cottage cheese and banana. Maybe a little bit of cottage cheese here. I don't care. Like, that's my comfort, you know, so, you know, being there, wanting to be there, I think that's okay. But I think it's communicating to our significant other. And I bet you a lot of the guys can be like, all.
Anything, I'm gonna go play golf or hang out with the guys.
[00:24:42] Speaker C: And that is, it's. It's. The point is articulate. Articulate where you're at, you know, because I think during that moment of an extrovert who's all of a sudden like, I need to be alone. And as you said in the very beginning, the guy's feeling rejected, you know, and if, hey, my girlfriend, wife, whatever it is, who's this extrovert and is outgoing and she's pushing me away. What's. What's wrong with me? And it sometimes is I need to decompress. I can't be around anybody. But unless she tells you that and unless you have that open communication of, hey, this isn't good.
I'm a ticking time bomb. I just need to be alone. Yeah, it frees up so many fights. It frees up so many relationships for.
[00:25:25] Speaker B: Yeah, I wish we would have had this conversation years ago.
I think that would have helped me a lot better in my. In my past relationships. Again, again, a lot of internal triggers for me. But at the same time, I think there's so much valuable information here, not only for the males perspective, but also the female's perspective. There's so much to dig in there. Thank you, Dr. Megan.
We'll be right back on Leadership evolving.
[00:25:49] Speaker A: We'll be right back with more insights, stories, and transformative leadership conversations. Stay with us. Leadership today evolving tomorrow.
Tomorrow. I'm Carlos Martin and this is Leadership Evolving on NOW Media Television. Let's continue the journey.
[00:26:06] Speaker B: And we are back.
[00:26:07] Speaker A: Leadership Today evolving tomorrow.
[00:26:10] Speaker B: And we are back with leadership evolving. I'm your host, Carlos Martin and with Megan. Before we get started, Megan, how can people find you and just get more of this juicy stuff that I can't get enough of?
[00:26:23] Speaker C: So I do a lot on social media, most platforms. I definitely do the most on Instagram and Facebook. And so you can follow me. I put different things from even what is it to cycle sync. What is it to what's going on in my hormones during these parts? What. What is happening? You know, I'll. I'll make it fun too on joking and different things, but what is going on? What kind of foods? How can I make this better?
I hit a lot of those type of topics. If you truly want to reach out and like, work with me or talk with me, go to doctor or email me at doctor megantegratedmedical grp.com and just put now media help and I'll know, like, what it's about.
[00:27:05] Speaker B: Okay, I love that. So, females, please follow her and then forward that to your significant other so we can learn as well. So don't keep all this juicy information to yourself. All right, so we'll get onto our next topic, the hormonal weather. Like, wow, this sounds a little like, I don't know what to expect here. Maybe there's a nap for this. All right, so apparently there is. To give you folks some context, the hormonal weather report.
The female. We're going to go into the female's perspective.
I need you to be my anchor, not my mirror. I love that. If I'm irritable. Excuse me, don't get.
I got to say it again, irritable back.
Just recognize that I'm weathering the storm and I need a safe space to land. I love that. So now let's do the male perspective. I want to be supportive, right. But I'm not a punching bag, man. I feel like I. I feel like you're a go. You're in my head here. You're in my past relationship.
I need to know how to support you without losing myself or feeling that I come constantly doing something wrong. And again, this is.
I know I'm making joke fun of it, but I feel like you were in my mind from a lot of past relationships, not only one for multiple.
And it's not a blame on them.
I think it's not even a blame, but it's okay. I think there's room for us to grow as individuals, to learn more. So my question to you.
So I guess I want to dive in a little bit more. So if we can, what is the perspective and what is really going on?
[00:28:48] Speaker C: Oh, absolutely. So when I say, you know, don't mirror me, you know, fighting fire with fire, you're just spreading that gasoline, you know, so if you react because I'm being reactive, it's like, I need someone. I need that calm. I need that rock. Because right now I'm spiraling out of control and I need consistency. So if you're matching my energy, this is going to be volatile.
[00:29:14] Speaker B: You know, it's not going to go well.
[00:29:17] Speaker C: It's not going to go well. And. And at the same time, yeah, if I'm treating you like a punch, that's not good either. Because even afterward, instantly, I remember it was like, instantly you. You would.
Someone would go at you and then you would react.
And almost instantly it was like, gosh, why did I say that? Why did I act like that? And you feel terrible, which just makes it even worse. And it's almost like, again, I'm calling it the crazy cycle. You just cannot get off that carousel, that miracle round that's going over and over and over again, and nothing wins. And it's not.
It's not okay. And so. And that's where I find when you actually know what's going on and when you start recognizing where you're at, when you're actually tapping in. Because sometimes we look at this. This area, it is. It's volatile. It's. You don't know. I even wake up and don't know, like, what version am I getting today? You know? But when you can start pairing it and. And as I said, the cycle becomes erratic. So where I normally have this nice little break and I get the real me and the one that you like, I may not have it. I was expecting to have it, and I just got robbed of it, or. You gotta be kidding me. You know, and so it. It's very frustrating. And it's not. I mean, obviously it's gonna be frustrating for you guys, but she gets frustrated too.
So one of the things that I even talk with, with a lot of my women, and it was funny that you said, hey, give it to the guy and everything, because I have had a husband and a spouse say, hey, can you. I need to understand what's going on. We need information.
[00:30:53] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:30:54] Speaker C: And when you even say, it's no shock that the statistics show that where people get divorced the most, guess what? It's in this time, you know, in the past, before.
[00:31:05] Speaker B: What do you mean, in this time? Because of.
[00:31:07] Speaker C: Because everything's volatile. We don't know how to communicate. I'm. I'm this way and that way, and I look like I have a split personality.
[00:31:14] Speaker B: I see.
[00:31:15] Speaker C: And I can't deal with this.
[00:31:16] Speaker B: So at that stage in there, when we have those conversations, those are breakup. Those are breakup.
[00:31:21] Speaker C: Those are breakup points. And so, you know, and. And happens so much in the perimenopause, menopause range, because, yes, she is feeling like this.
And you're reacting in this way because of how you're feeling and vice versa, then you're reacting this way. But I could have handled it in my other way, but now I don't have that calming or that ability to handle, and it's just another stress, and I'm acting out in a way that doesn't even make sense to me. You know, I. I feel like when I, you hear divorce, it's usually kids grow up and then we haven't connected and that.
But here's, here's the factor. You're also having perimenopause and menopause going on at that time. So and, and so many people never even recognized it. They're just like. And what you hear from also a women's perspective. I hear this so much and it's why I got into this and why I am passionate about more of the females and I am passionate about the guys.
With that being said, I would have woman after woman come to me and say, you know, Dr. Megan, I, I asked my doctor to run my hormones or to do labs and they won't. They're telling me, well, either one, you're still having a period, you don't have a period, you're fine, everything's normal. Here's a Valium.
Basically, literally saying this is a you problem.
So the woman doesn't feel supported, she feels spiraling. She feels like, who the heck is this? And then she's being told there's nothing wrong with you.
You know, it is very, very difficult. And so, but when you look at the cycle again, women are complex. It is, it is really, it's neat. And you can either say, I'm either going to be a victim by this or I'm going to be able to be empowered by knowing exactly where I should be in this stage of my life or even just in my cycle. So in the beginning, when someone's cycling estrogen actually is surging. So this is where she can eat more, she can tolerate stress. It's why she's more z. After she's done with her period, it's like, this is the person I like, this is the person I dated. And she's able to, if she, if she's that driver, if she's that push through, she's into fitness and stuff, she's able to do those hiit workouts, she's able to pr.
[00:33:39] Speaker B: Well, I feel like you're, you are literally off balance if you don't have those balancing hormones to keep you in balance 100 and that comes out as out of balance. And then us guys, we don't know how to handle that. And then it's a, it's a lose, lose situation.
[00:33:55] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:33:55] Speaker B: Now, as you were saying this, I know I'm kind of making fun of it, but if you don't know, like you said, you don't know how you're going to wake up, maybe have like a little meter on you and Right. And to be able to say so it's a visual for us before we wake up. It's like, I'm number one, number two, or I'm on she hulk. I'm turning green. Right. Making a little bit of fun. But the reality is that way we know what to expect. And not only that, for it brings a little bit of awareness for the female to say, I don't know where I am, but I think I'm whatever. Either a number or, you know, whatever. You're the expert. And then kind of put that slowly on the table. And then as a guy is like, oh, okay, this is my time. That I need to be away or that I need to lean in more is when. That's when she really needs me.
[00:34:45] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:34:46] Speaker B: Because otherwise, like you said, we feel like a punching bag. And that is really hard.
[00:34:51] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:34:52] Speaker B: Because we're gonna go the opposite. Opposite direction. When you need the opposite of that is like, no, that's when I need you more.
[00:34:59] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[00:35:00] Speaker B: You know, but I think to be able to communicate that because what I'm getting out of this conversation that I. I feel.
I wish I had this information because I feel a lot more empathetic now to what females are going through that they don't even know what they're going through. So what I wanted to talk about. So when you said about the. The. I forgot what you said.
They go to the doctor like, yeah, you're okay.
What can the female do to dig in a little bit deeper as to be able to get that report on their own, whether the doctor wants it so it could have more better information for them and hopefully help their significant other.
[00:35:37] Speaker C: And I think this is where a functional medicine and integrated practice and integrated doctors are. You're seeing a more surge into it because a lot of people are going into that because they listen. They are feeling like they're getting listened. They are finding out what the root cause is. They are finding out. Here's a narrative next step. This isn't all you. This is, you know, it's xyz. And it's not just even on that. When you do the labs, it's not just the feelings. It's actually data for you. But even in the meantime, finding that person who can walk alongside you and work with it, like in a functional space, if you don't have that monitor yourself, you know, like, I mean, I will. I will say, like, when I start getting cravings, when I start getting like. Or even more. More tired or stuff like that, where it's like, oh, my hormone must not be in this. So me pushing through, I'm creating more stress in my environment, which is only going to make me more reactive.
So could I do like a walk or yoga and slow down? I think that's the hardest part because we're so used to pushing. And a lot of your high achievers like myself, I joke around. I've done 75 hard. I did 2023 miles in the year 2023. Three plus lifted. You know, it was like more and more, more. And you're trying to tell me I need to walk and do yoga? Like, no, that's nothing. Why would I do that? I feel like I'm slacking. But that's exactly what I need because that's going to let my body feel rested and reset everything and I'm actually going to get the results. This whole workout more, eat less is horrible for the endocrine system. For a female, she might be able to do that for a short time and she definitely might be able to do that in the first part when her estrogen can handle that.
You put that into right before she's having a period and you're not having those nutrients. She is going to be the Hulk having pms and you're going to be like, what possessed my, my lovely person that was right in front of me because I get away, you know, and that's what happens during it.
[00:37:32] Speaker B: So when they go from Barbie to Portuguese, well, it's again, I love all this information because we're able to better understand. You mentioned something that really kind of stuck with me as the female perspective. Like, I could handle everything and I usually can. But it's also when things are off balance that's got to be difficult. So imagine if they're going through it.
So for all you guys, let's be a little bit more empathetic to them and try to understand them because imagine if we were going through that. I know I couldn't handle that. I personally can't. So we'll be right back with Dr. Megan and all this, this juicy stuff.
[00:38:11] Speaker A: We'll be right back with more insights, stories and transformative leadership conversations. Stay with us. Leadership Today evolving tomorrow.
I'm Carlos Martin and this is Leadership Evolving on NOW Media Television. Let's continue the journey.
[00:38:27] Speaker B: And we are back.
[00:38:29] Speaker A: Leadership Today evolving tomorrow.
[00:38:32] Speaker B: Welcome back to Leadership Evolving. Stay connected to the show and every NOW Media TV favorite live or on demand, anytime you like. Download the free Now Media app on Roku or iOS and unlock the nonstop bilingual program in English or Espanol on the move. Sure, why not? Catch podcast version on NowMedia TV. And we are back with Megan. More juicy stuff. I'm really, really enjoying this conversation and hopefully you folks are too. And now we're going to go to our last segment which is the second half building. Excuse me, the second half. So we're going to give you a little bit of context.
So the second half, the vision, the female perspective. I'm shedding my old roles. I'm done with being the fixer for everyone else. I want this next phase of my life to be about growth and I need you to be my biggest cheerleader, not an anchor who I who to who I used to be. Now let's get the male's perspective. I'm realizing our life is changing and I want to know how I fit in into your new world. Let's figure this out. And what is our next chapter? What looks like especially with kid raising or the hustle Years are shifting.
So what are the pros that come out of the other side? Because this is all new to me.
[00:39:51] Speaker C: I feel like this is the time when the woman's going to be the most self aware, like she starts beginning to understand what's going on.
[00:39:59] Speaker B: What age ish is this?
[00:40:01] Speaker C: Everybody's going to be different. Everybody's going to be different.
[00:40:03] Speaker B: Is this kind of pre menopause?
[00:40:04] Speaker C: Yeah, I would say it's going to be perimenopause and stuff like that. When we start recognizing these things, when we start embracing it, as I mentioned earlier, Carlos, we talk about I can either be the victim or I can be empowered. I can either realize my physiology and work with it or continue on doing my own way. And what worked in the past and that's obviously not serving me anymore and I'm getting the worst results or results.
And so it is a beautiful shift because I look at it at phases and you haven't said what age is it. Each person's going to be different.
I'll even start as a kid. I love kids. I always tell people I could probably work with kids all day because there is no filters. It is a very much like, hey Carlos, I like me, I like you, let's be friends, you know, and it's just so like they tell you what they think. Everything is just so simple. They're very confident in themselves. And then let's go into the puberty. Then I'm growing and I'm standing and I'm developing these things and I just feel awkward, you know, and we try to shy away. We're not secure in ourselves at that part. 20s, we're exploring life, we're seeing what is us, we're seeing who we are, what we like. It's almost the FOMO stage. I'm so afraid of missing out on everything because I want to know what fills me up. I feel like when I got into my 30s, I felt like the 30s were, now I gotta prove myself now I've got to. And depending you're either falling on one stage, either you're going to be more data fact driven or you're going to be a people pleaser. And so that's going to look like, okay, well, I got to do this because I've got to be this for this person. And this is what the expectations are for me. If I'm people pleasing, if it's a data fact, well, this person, this is what success looks like.
$10 million practices and having this. And where's that definition? We are constantly putting a label or putting expectations on ourself based off of someone else. And I feel like that is where the burnout happens because you're not real to yourself when you like. At least for me, when I hit into this Mode in the 40s, it was when I started recognizing, like, good Lord, I can't keep doing this. Like, I don't accept this. I don't like myself anymore. Like, where did that happen? I loved myself.
I don't like myself. I don't like this version of me. I don't like my responses when you start saying, I can either just keep doing that and be a victim and this is what it is. And the socks. Or I could say, what is happening? You know, okay, is my estrogen high? Okay, I can do this, I can eat like this. Is it low? Slow down. Is it this? Quit pushing. Do you, you know, you were expecting to do your crazy hiit workout. You were getting really excited about it, but you woke up and you felt exhaust.
You keep pushing through that. Your adrenals are now screaming at you. You're, you're completely. So when you, you embrace it and say, I'm going to be where I am at this moment. You're so secure in yourself. I'm not living for anybody else. I'm living for like being the best version of me and being okay with that. And I think that that is if you can get through this and you can navigate it and you can actually have ownership of understanding. I feel like, especially my women, when we get, when we do labs and, and they're like, okay, I had One, I love her.
She is me. She literally. I said, what is going on? She goes, I'm a psycho. And I was like, oh, gosh, I love it. She goes, well, that's what my daughter tells me. Mom, you're a psycho. And I love it because that real conversation, this isn't me. I don't even like this. Something's going on. And when you pull up like, okay, her labs are this way, or her stress level is this way, or she's not clearing them this properly in her, that's ca. That's causing you be a psycho. And now I. It's instead of a. A death sentence instead of a this is horrible. It becomes a, hey, I. I know how to handle. I know why I'm being like this. And there's a fix and, And I think you're finally giving hope instead of, nothing's wrong with you, and I can't fix anything. And you just lose spiral in control.
[00:44:26] Speaker B: So, okay, so it almost sounds like you start to begin a little bit of inner wisdom to say, okay, I went through my 20s and my 30s and let's just kind of stick for simplicity sakes. Early 40s.
All right? I finally got to know me and my body, what to do, what not to do. I think that's fantastic. So now let's. I want to get the male's perspective on that chapter, which is. It seems to be a beautiful chapter.
But that kid, maybe I'll ask you what is. What can that cause, right? Because I've known my wife to be this way, and all of a sudden she found herself or she's comfortable, whatever that is. I'm not going to label that.
How does that, how does that show up?
And what is the. Maybe the conflict, if possible, or the friction on the male's perspective?
[00:45:19] Speaker C: I think we're going to go back to communication because you have to be communicating during this. You have to be real. I say real and raw. Like, I come in a family that we always joke around with each other. We're always like, tell me what you're truly thinking. Because we are not holding back. There is. It is like. It is brutal and. But we're close because of this. We know where we're at. We know what that person's feeling. We can, we can then go from there. But if you don't say what you're doing because you're afraid to hurt someone's feelings, that is a superficial relationship and it's never going to go anywhere. But if you bring that partner in with you and Open up and be completely vulnerable. And it's hard. It's hard being vulnerable, especially when you have things going all out of place. But if you can just really look at yourself and say, this is not me. I am not happy with this.
I am feeling this way. I don't get it. You know? And then, as you said, as a guy's perspective, gosh, man, I couldn't handle that. Like, man, I need to be a little bit more empathetic. Gosh, what she's going through, it's not a me thing.
You're bringing them along. But if you close it out, if you don't have those conversations and you keep making your. The male in your life feel like a punching bag or the male in your life feel like they're walking on eggshells, there is never going to be like, when. When I find myself, you're going to be like, am I part of that? You know? And so it becomes a doubt. It really does. And let's look at the male, too. In this. Testosterone does drop with the males. That's happening around the same time. And then that gets missed on a lot. And unfortunately, when the male doesn't have as much testosterone, you guys have your man periods, too.
[00:47:07] Speaker B: Wait, hold on.
You can't just drop the mic like that. What is that?
[00:47:12] Speaker C: You do? Okay, so a guy's a.
[00:47:15] Speaker B: So apparently we start getting periods in our 40s.
So what is that? How does that show up? Physical, emotional, how does that show up?
[00:47:22] Speaker C: Imagine, okay, like for the women out there, we all know when our friend is about ready to have her period. We know when it's us having our period. You guys do, too.
It's very much.
[00:47:34] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:47:34] Speaker C: Okay, so if a guy has a high testosterone, believe it or not, most people think that they're gonna be rage and all of this.
No, actually a higher testosterone level, especially balanced. You're going to be loving. You're going to be one of the most loving and show up and you can handle. It's kind of like, okay, you guys are going through transitions, too. In my 20s, I can deal with some of this stuff. And my 40s and 50s, I don't want to deal with this bull anymore. You know, I don't want to deal with, you know, you are finding yourself too.
But your testosterone also allows your emotions. It allows that. So now you are taking on more estrogen and you are acting like us when we're gonna have a period. And it's. And it's very much. You're more moody. You're not as loving, you're not as sensitive, you're having your periods.
[00:48:24] Speaker B: So is it why like the angry old man? Is that where it kind of comes from?
[00:48:27] Speaker C: Yes, yes. It's just like you feel like it's. Maybe I just don't with deal with BS anymore, but it is really. Your testosterone is probably out of whack. I hate to break it to you. So this is where I always tell people it's not just females I work with. I work with males. But I do because I am going through it. I do understand. I have been there with it. And I can connect with the females too. But you got to understand the males are doing it too. And if they're not aware they're acting this way and then she's figuring out herself and it's like, great for you, but what about me? And so it comes to being real and understanding what's going on and are you working together as a couple or is it just a one person show? And do you want to go into the next chapter together stronger or do you want to just continue on the same crazy cycle?
[00:49:18] Speaker B: Wow.
I was already being hopeful to say, okay, if I lean in to understand.
And I feel like you threw me a curveball at the end.
Finally, women started figuring themselves out in regards to, okay, I don't want to be this way.
And then us guys, we lose our marbles. All of a sudden we start getting, you know, angry or like the grumpy old men. And now I feel like men are going this direction and now so I feel like the gap is always there. I mean, maybe I'm being a little too dramatic.
[00:49:53] Speaker C: It's there. If you're leaving it there, it's there. If you just say, crap, this sucks, you know, it's, it's there. If you just say, that's a them problem, that's a me problem, it's not there when you truly can say, this is what's going on.
And, and heck, if, if as a female, your man's also dealing with this. We are more empathetic by nature. We want to be more supportive. And instead of being like, oh, I'm mad, I'm angry with you, I'm. You're being this way. No, you're having this go on too, you know, and it's just. And I think you can grow together because you guys are both navigating this together and you're both supporting each other, but that comes with communication and having that emotional awareness of knowing yourself. Because if you don't, you're just going to have a volatile and it's not going to be good.
[00:50:44] Speaker B: Wow.
We could talk for hours about this because I think it's very important, very powerful.
What I'm kind of going, you know, taking with me. It's not us versus them. Otherwise it's going to be a lose, lose situation. So I encourage to be it's a we thing, communicate. We're all going through something, whether male or female. But if we have an effective communication, I think we're going to be in a better place.
Megan, thank you so much for being here on our show.
[00:51:15] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[00:51:15] Speaker B: And I can't wait for everybody to, again, find her and dig in a little bit more. Till next time, leadership evolving. I'm Carlos Martin. We'll see you next time.
